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Loneliness is a worldwide challenge. In 2023, the U.S. Surgeon General declared loneliness an “epidemic.” The U.K. has similarly appointed a “Minister of Loneliness” to help people feel less alone, and Japan has enlisted the help of a “loneliness task force” in their own Federal government.
It’s clear that loneliness impacts people from all walks of life, across the globe. But, unfortunately, there’s one group of people that’s particularly at risk for feeling lonely: LGBTQ+ people. Case in point, research finds that 57% of bisexual people and 56% to 64% of transgender people feel lonely. These rates were almost double those reported by their straight (30%) and cisgender (32%) counterparts.
Loneliness can have devastating impacts on our physical and mental health, so it’s paramount that LGBTQ+ people understand what loneliness is, how they can identify, and what to do if someone they love is feeling alone.
What is loneliness?
Let me be clear: loneliness is a normal part of life. From time to time, we all feel a little lonely. But the type of loneliness that can be detrimental is “chronic loneliness.” Similar to other mental health issues like anxiety and depression, chronic loneliness is a pervasive feeling that impacts your ability to function in everyday life, and, oftentimes, your ability to reach out for help.
Contrary to popular belief, being chronically lonely doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re physically alone. People who have plenty of supportive friends and family can still feel lonely. Chronic loneliness is characterized by a feeling that you “don’t belong” or “no one understands you.” Those feelings can hit any time – even when you’re in a crowded room.
Unfortunately, chronic loneliness can put a lot of stress on our minds and bodies – creating negative downstream impacts on our health. People who are lonely have an elevated risk for chronic inflammation, lower cognitive function, heart disease, mental illness, and more. It’s one reason why the U.S. Surgeon General has named loneliness a condition that’s equally as deadly as smoking 15+ cigarettes per day.
Why are LGBTQ+ people at risk for loneliness?
It’s not difficult to understand why many LGBTQ+ people feel that they’re alone, or that no one truly understands what they’re going through. Many LGBTQ+ people are made to feel “othered” by society because of who they are or who they love. This can be extremely isolating.
Loneliness can feel particularly acute for those in the transgender community. Not only are they coming to terms with their transition, but many are grappling with an isolating feeling that their very identity has been politicized or scrutinized by the general public. In fact, within our Pyx Health network, 66% of transgender members score as lonely – almost one and a half times the rate of our cis-gendered members.
How can you identify signs of chronic loneliness in yourself, or someone else?
Loneliness can be tricky to identify because even people who are surrounded by loving friends and family can experience it. But there are a few telltale signs people should keep an eye out for – especially among their LGBTQ+ friends who are at higher risk for loneliness – as an indicator that someone may be struggling, including…
● They’re spending more time alone than usual, or not engaging with others on a deeper level. Not everyone who spends time alone is lonely, but a lack of quality time spent with others – especially when it's a change from their normal behavior – may be a clear indicator.
● They don’t respond when you try to reach out. We all miss a text now and again, but a persistent lack of response is a sign that something may be seriously wrong.
● They focus on the negative aspects of their life and circumstances. Lonely people often have a pessimistic view of the world.
● They’re hesitant to trust others, and often assume that people have negative intentions.
● They experience frequent illness or fatigue, and/or difficulty finding the motivation to go out or get things done.
What can you do if someone in your life is struggling with loneliness?
If you search online for solutions to loneliness, you’ll often get simple, cookie-cutter responses, like “text a friend” or “ask someone to grab lunch.” But these one-time interactions often don’t cut it for people who are experiencing profound or chronic loneliness.
Here are some steps you can take that may make a difference:
● Be there for them consistently and encourage them to talk and engage. That said, be patient because they may not be able to accept help right away. Don’t give up on them.
● Suggest other people or resources they might engage with. Not everyone is comfortable admitting to a close friend or family member that they’re lonely. It’s often easier to talk to someone a bit more removed, like a therapist, doctor, or certified peer mentor.
● Offer some tangible, physical things they can do to feel better. Going for a long walk to get fresh air and to move your body can release positive chemicals. Sitting in bed on your phone, on the other hand, can increase anxiety levels. Even better, ask your friend if they want to do these things together on a regular basis!
● Encourage them to make small goals that foster new connections. This could be as simple as small talk with a neighbor, or inviting an acquaintance from church to coffee.
● If they’re really struggling, reach out to a trained professional for help. People experiencing deep loneliness often need serious mental health intervention, similar to the ways we treat anxiety and depression.
Where do we go from here?
While loneliness is a pervasive issue among LGBTQ+ people, the good news is that there are concrete steps we can take to help those who are struggling. It all starts with understanding when someone needs help – even if they’re not able to reach out or articulate exactly what they’re going through in the moment. By fostering understanding, providing consistent support, and encouraging access to appropriate resources, we can begin to address this profound issue among LGBTQ+ people and ultimately help those in the community feel less alone.
About the Author
Cindy Jordan is a brilliant and boundless leader. Her eclectic professional experience has aligned her work life with her deep care for the well-being of others, culminating in the launch of Pyx Health in 2018, the first loneliness solution solely focused on helping the most vulnerable.
Cindy’s story is unique. After five years as a police officer in the Washington DC area, she shifted her career to politics as a political fundraiser. While working in that arena, Cindy saw that when she passionately believed in and supported causes that make a difference, change can – and does – take place.
After moving west, Cindy worked as a lead strategist at a marketing agency where her primary account was Arizona’s largest physician practice and hospital group. Her work for this group provided the opportunity for innovative strategic program development. It was during this time a new business venture – Medical Referral Source (MRS), a referral technology tool for physicians – was conceived and launched.
MRS was acquired by The Advisory Board Company in 2013 and Cindy was hired as Managing Director. While there, she continued to grow MRS, now known as Crimson Medical Referrals. Her charge was selling to large hospital groups, which she did very successfully.
After witnessing a family member’s mental health crisis, Cindy co-founded Pyx Health with Anne Jordan in 2018. As the CEO, Cindy continues to fuel innovation and growth. Finding a near perfect balance of technology and compassionate human intervention, she leads the company on its mission to effectively address the health crisis of loneliness and social isolation.
Cindy holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Political Science and Government from George Mason University. In her spare time, she is trying not to run for Mayor.
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